Dear February..

Hey Guys &’ Girls !’

Happy New (I think it’s a bit old now, but hey!) Year !

Jan 09-19

It’s Senior Year Y’all !!’

I’ve officially made it to my final semester in undergrad! (Yaaay !!) In a few months I’ll be graduating with my BA in English (that’s right!) and I’m beyond elated!

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Then … there’s the issue 😧

You know that feeling when you’re close to the finish line and the odds suddenly just begin to come knocking at your door?

Yeah.

I’m currently in that boat.

After completing all my required courses, I have just one class holding me back – Spanish! Without this class, I can’t graduate in June ☹️, and I’ll have to stay back until December. December!

The worst (and best part): I’m in line for a teaching interview that, when admitted into the program, would automatically make me a New York teacher for special education.

So, what do I do now!?

To top it all off, I’m in debt y’all.

Yes, I currently owe my school over $1000.00 which needs to be paid by May.

No I don’t have that amount of money right now.

In all actuality, I was quite stressed about how I’d get that money to pay for school, knowing that if I can’t pay that money by May, I won’t be able to get my degree.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention how I’m still waiting to be approved for a class waiver in order to graduate in June. Fact is, if I can’t get that class waived, I can’t graduate. Four years of undergrad to be held back for one class! No way.

In the midst of all this, somewhere, deep within me, I still have hope. Year 2018 was one of way too many worries, worries over great problems and insignificant ones, but this year, I have to change the way I look at things. Let’s face it. Having faith in God’s promises is at times easier said than done, especially in the midst of the chaos, when your at the finish line and your situation seems to be yielding nothing but barricades and misery. I have four months to satisfy my debt and one month to determine if I’m going to go on to graduation or be held back, but I’m holding on, in faith, refusing to lean on my own understanding.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

I’ve been praying continuously and have seen God making ways out of no ways. As I continue to pray, I’ll continue to believe the best. Even though I’ve heard it said that it’s impossible to have that class waived, I choose to believe that God is able to do ALL things, for there’s absolutely NOTHING too hard for God.

“Jesus said to him, “[You say to Me,] ‘If You can?’ All things are possible for the one who believes and trusts [in Me]!””

‭‭MARK‬ ‭9:23‬ ‭AMP‬‬

As for the finances. I turned my worries – about how I’d find the money to pay for school – into a courageous act of asking for donations and in a matter of a few hours, I raised $750.00! This isn’t even the final amount, as I’m still awaiting donations from a few more people! I’ll have all that I need even before the due date!

““ Ask and keep on asking and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking and you will find; knock and keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.”

‭‭MATTHEW‬ ‭7:7‬ ‭AMP‬‬

No wonder God encourages us on so many occasions through His word to refrain from worrying and anxiety. An anxious heart cannot produce reasonable and godly decisions and actions. Worry clouds the mind and emphasizes unbelief. Keeping our hearts and minds on God’s promises is an act of humility. As we lay aside our concerns and surrender our cares to Abba, we invite Him to constantly take control.

So I choose to keep hoping, I choose to grow in faith and I choose to believe, that God is already providing a stream in the desert for me. He has been faithful to take me this far. He won’t let go off my hand now.

Be encouraged and fix your focus on Abba, my Father, your Father. As you believe God with me, I’m believing God with you.

Blessings. Peace.

Happy 2019 !’ ❤️

Alicia Keys got it right, or wrong : The wait

“I keep on falling . . .

Innnnn, love, naah, infatuation 😩”

Ms. Keys, you couldn’t have said it any better! I guess you had me in mind when you were writing this song because I never would have thought that I’d be singing over my future.

So, cheers to the future ! Or, not really ? < strong><<
e other day my dad came to my room, knocked on my door and told me that we needed to have 'A Talk' . . .

Yes, you know the one, those dreaded conversation that you just DO NOT want to have with your dad, especially when your mind is in a million places at once.

“What’s going on with you?” “What’s on your mind?” “Do you like anyone?” 😩

The kind of questions that I just hate talking about, and I guess it’s because it’s just plain weird. Well at least, to me it is.

See, I wouldn’t say that I have a horrible relationship with my dad. I love my dad, and we do talk. I let him vent to me when he needs to and when I’m in the mood, I’ll let him in on some things but for the most part, I’d say that I put a barrier on certain things. I’m more of a ‘talker-to-myself‘ or ‘talk-to-God‘ about it kind of person. Somethings I do talk to others about, but I can’t find myself opening up to my dad about everything, even though he says I can. I know that he feels as though they’re things I’m hiding from him — he worries about me, but I can’t bring that wall down. Somehow, I try to keep my heart hidden.

I grew up around my mom. I spent fifteen years of my life with her. My dad wasn’t around — for reasons beyond his control — and I had to live with that. I truly believe that when young girls don’t have fathers in their lives — especially in their younger years — it leaves a lasting impact (often negative) on them. I’m definitely not saying that they won’t be able to function in life, I’m not saying they won’t be successful or even develop meaningful relationships, but there’s going to be some kind of (major or minor) dysfunctions in that girl’s life.

I’ve been living with my dad for almost five years now and I still can’t say that we have the best relationship. I don’t ‘hate’ him like I used to, I’ve actually grown to love him and understand him and I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity God has given me to build a relationship with my dad. However, lost years will always be just that — Lost years. No-one can remake them, and the effects of not having a dad around when I was younger still remains and it will always remain no matter how much we strengthen our relationship.

There was definitely a detoxification process that I had to go through. Uprooting all the weeds of hatred that I both developed within myself and those that were planted in me by my mother. I know now that sometimes things don’t always work out the way you want it to, things that weren’t suppose to happen, happened. I may have been a product of unrequited love, or something else I can’t explain and for years I hated my dad for not being there.

I’ve looked in so many places for love. I had often struggled with insecurities because I never had a ‘real’ boyfriend (except for that one guy I met online that I said was my boyfriend but we never actually met). My friends always had boyfriends or at least people who were interested in them but I was the bird without wings.

Well, if you think about the fact that I’m a single Christian female, age 20 whose never had a real ‘partner’

And the wait . . Ha!

It’s definitely something.

That’s another thing, they’re guys (really beautiful guys) everywhere !

And sometimes, many times

Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to. .

I woke up this morning just reminding myself that the mere fact that God gave me another day, He’s sure not finished with me yet.

Waiting on his promises has its hard days, days when you want to just give in, days when you even question if He’s really going to come through for you. But isn’t that where FAITH comes in?

It’s trusting in His promises regardless, it’s knowing that if He’s done it for you before, what can ever stop Him from doing it again ?

So, I’ll just wait, I’ll wait because I trust God. I’ll wait because I know His ways are higher and He knows EXACTLY what He’s doing!

Habakkuk 2:2-3 KJVAnd the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. [3] For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.Peace. Love. Joy ❤️

Stone Walls & Victory

You have absolutely NO idea of the greatness that lies within you
Every single obstacle and detour that has caused you to feel frustrated, sometimes even defeated, was all for your good

You saw only what your finite human eyes could perceive
You felt the cuts of knives devouring your skin
But what you didn’t notice was your dull edges being sharpened

You didn’t realise that the more difficult the obstacles, the stronger you would become

The more the detours, the more equipped you were to leap over holes, run through dark allies & make it through pest-filled valleys

Our finite vision is restrained by human limitations, yet, NOTHING hinders a GREAT GOD from visioning the infinite, mighty plans, He has for you

Those plans to prosper you
I pray you will know that the obstacles are not to harm you, but to give the Jeremiah 29:11

HOPE and the promises of a FUTURE

Blessings. Peace. Joy 

Prison Break

One day, the chains that bound us must be loosed. We must make up in our minds to move on, to step into God’s perfect purpose for us, we must lay aside the heavy weight.
The cross is a symbol of that suffering, that hurt, that pain, those words unspoken, that thing deep within you – that inner battle. 

Don’t take it lightly, The Cross, its our burdens turned to blessings. It’s our chains broken, our defeat made into victory, all the blood, sweat and tears we cried, we’ll cry no more. 

The ultimate lamb laid his sweet soul all down for us, though we fail to love Him. He never fails to love us.

Breathe In

 We are no longer slaves. We are perfectly crafted with victory and life in our being. 

Because of Christ

We are Free

Blessings. Peace.  Joy